Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Where to Begin?

I titled this post "Where to Begin?" because that's exactly how I feel in this moment. It's been over 3 years since I last wrote a blog post here, and I'm not quite sure where to begin with all this. I've thought about writing this for a little while now and just now mustered up the guts to try this again.

There were several reasons why I stopped writing here. The main reason being my job. I work with a population where I didn't feel it was in my best interest to just put my life out there for the whole world to see. It took me a couple of months working at my job to realize that fact in its entirety, and so it was the main driving force for me to stop blogging. My job role has changed several times at my place of employment, and I feel a tad more comfortable now putting something out there compared to when I was strictly a therapist.

At the time, we'd also just purchased our first home. Anyone who has been through that process knows that it is one of the most challenging experiences a person can go through. I was devoting 110% of my energies towards that. Once we were moved in, all my energies were, then, spent unpacking and making our first purchased house feel like home.

When I started blogging, back in 2010 or 2011, the blogging world looked nothing like it is now. It was new and clumsy. Bloggers weren't trying to sell you any and everything that they'd received from sponsors. There were no Instagram/Snapchat cult followings.  When I stopped 3 years ago, I wasn't sure that I was quite up to the task of managing everything needed to navigate the social media aspects I knew I would have to in order to keep getting my blog's name and my posts out there (it can be a tad overwhelming!).

I also stopped because I had the thought that it seemed a little narcissistic for me to think that people actually cared about what I wrote. Looking back on some (not all) of these posts, they seem...thoughtless...self-serving...a little ridiculous. At the same time, I also know that the person who wrote those blog posts isn't the same person that is writing this one. There are parts of her still here, but I'd like to think that I've grown as a person in 3 years. (Again, don't bet the whole farm on this one folks...) I love to write because I want people to think, to laugh, to feel, and to smile. I recognize that not everything written can do that because that is not the human experience at all times. Nonetheless, I think I had lost sight of why I had chosen to start writing in the first place; therefore, I lost my passion for writing.

I've always been interested in people's story. Do you all remember when Harry Smith used to interview random people on CBS' Sunday Morning? They were regular working people who he'd sit down and talk with just to hear their stories. 9 times out of 10 he found a way to make their stories interesting because, well, they were interesting. The human experience is unique and thereby almost always interesting to some degree. I think that's a big reason why I went into the field of counseling: to hear someone's story. I've heard a lot of stories since I went into my field.I hear stories every day that are horrifying...and some that remind me of the good in the human spirit. I don't know how I'd like to incorporate others' stories into my writing going forward; however, I'm trying to brainstorm ways in which I can.

Or maybe I won't. I'm not sure. Again, see the title of this post.

I've always loved writing since I was a kid. I like telling stories. I like reliving moments through the written word. Historically, it's been a way for me to creatively express myself. Several different people have asked me in the last few years what I do to express myself, or if I have any hobbies, etc...and I didn't have an answer. I'm still not sure if I have an answer. So, I'm dipping my toes back into this particular body of water to see if it still brings me the joy it once did.

A lot has changed since that last time stamp on the blog post before this one. Sweet Wrigley joined our little fam right after I stopped writing and supplied me with enough writing material to make Marley and Me look like child's play. I don't sport those perfect, beautiful, albeit fake teeth anymore (it's time for big girl braces people). I've now held 3 different positions at my job and continue to learn from the people I work with and serve each day. Both of our families continue to face challenges and celebrate successes. My nieces are now half-way grown (not entirely true, but it seems like it). And when my husband almost lost his life this year...I felt like I was being sucked down a dark hole. He survived 3 major surgeries in the span of 7 months; my gratitude to God knows no limits for the opportunity he's given both Brad and me to press onward together.

So there it is.

I'm not sure if this will be the last post I write for a while or the first of many. We'll just have to see friends. If you've made it this far, I appreciate you hanging in there.

Until the next time friends...

Much love.